


Adrenaline

by Crownonymous



Series: Whumptober 2019 [13]
Category: Persona 3
Genre: Apathy, Gen, Recklessness, Whumptober 2019, adrenaline junkie minato, hopelessness, will to live is nonexistent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21586651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crownonymous/pseuds/Crownonymous
Summary: Minato liked fighting a little too much.
Series: Whumptober 2019 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522484
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Adrenaline

**Author's Note:**

> Day 13 of Whumptober 2019. First posted on my tumblr, crossposting on AO3.
> 
> Gods could come down from the heavens to tell me his name is Makoto Yuki and I will still refuse to call him that. Minato Arisato or nothing bitch

“Good work everyone.” Mitsuru nodded at each of them in turn. “You’ve all improved. Well done Iori, Takeba, Arisato.” Junpei visibly preened at her praise, looking like a man who had just won the lottery. Takeba, for the most part didn’t seem to care. Minato wanted more. He had taken the brunt of the Golden Beetle’s attacks. Everyone else should be fine. They could keep going. They could climb even higher. “The shadows are getting stronger as well. Stay on guard.”

They’re fine. Yukari and Junpei barely used their personas and Mitsuru can swap with Akihiko if she’s getting tired. Minato said, “We can keep going.”

Mitsuru nodded curtly. “I see. Then would it be alright if I swapped with Akihiko? I feel quite drained from our last battle.”

“It is a tough foe…” Fuuka interjected, her voice echoing in their heads through Lucia’s power. “The terminal on this floor should be active. Ready when you are, Mitsuru-senpai.”

“Then I shall switch with Akihiko.” Mitsuru sheathed her rapier and nodded once more. “Good luck.” Junpei, Yukari, and Minato watched her go, heels clicking against the empty floor. Even Lucia’s presence had diminished somewhat. Fuuka had been yelling all throughout the fight. She was likely just as exhausted as Mitsuru. She could use a few minutes of rest.

More. Minato wanted more. The thrum in his veins wasn’t enough. He figured out that the Beetles were frail to electricity too quickly; Minato sustained heavy damage, Mitsuru healing him every chance she got, but the fight still ended too soon. It wasn’t enough.

Once the terminal beamed a green light, Junpei took a deep breath. “Man!” He stuck his giant sword into the ground, resting his arms on it. There was sweat dripping down his forehead and sticking his shirt against his skin. “You are a beast dude. How can you still keep going? I mean. Seriously. How?” A gesture to all of Minato. “Are you even human?”

“Yeah.” Yukari leaned against the wall, focusing on evening out her breathing. “That was a tough fight and you act like it’s nothing.”

It’s not nothing. Minato had been shooting himself in the head at every turn. Summoning his persona so much, and switching between so many so quickly was draining. There was lethargy in his very bones, exhaustion creeping in. No doubt, when he leaves Tartarus, he would come down with a terrible fever. He always did.

He’d push and push and push until he had one foot by death’s door and then come morning, he’d pretend that everything was alright. No one was any wiser. He’d be delirious, nearly collapsing if he set his foot down wrong, always at the edge of being caught with a terrible migraine that could force the others to keep a closer eye on him.

But he just can’t stop.

They would worry, sure. Even Junpei, who just teemed with jealousy and contempt, would express concern at Minato driving himself to fatigue every time they went into Tartarus. If Minato actually gave a shit, he’d feel bad for making them all worry. All he felt was an imperceptible blip. A passing thought of “oh” before the empty, hollow feeling he’s lived with all his life came back.

And really, the only time he ever actually felt alive was when adrenaline thrummed through his veins. When his blood raced and his heart pounded, when he was balancing on the tightrope of life and death, where one wrong move could send him to an early grave.

So really, why shouldn’t he chase that high?

Junpei and Yukari took his silence as an answer. Yukari, fairly indifferent to it all, merely shrugged and went on trying to even out her breathing. Junpei’s lips curled in disgust. Minato wasn’t particularly upset about that reaction. But that was exactly the problem, wasn’t it? The fact that outside of battle, Minato felt nothing but apathy.

“Akihiko-senpai’s here,” he announced when the blip of the terminal bathed the whole floor in green light again. His voice was dead, even to his own ears. He said that so blandly, with next to no intonation. He should watch TV some more, try to see how real people spoke to each other and mimic that cadence. Minato was slipping. Can’t have the team realise that he doesn’t exactly feel like a person.

The morale of the whole group was low. Junpei was glaring daggers at Minato when he thought Minato wasn’t looking. Yukari looked uncomfortable to be trapped between that glare, and Akihiko just looked confused.

Minato should say something. Anything, to bring up the mood. That’s what leaders do. They keep morale up to drive the party onward. But. Well. How would he explain this? How would he explain that living in the real world felt fake? How would he say that he felt more at ease, more alive fighting shadows than he did living a normal life? How would he admit that fighting for his life, exhausting himself to the point where every fibre of his being tingled, was more exhilarating than anything?

He can’t. Minato could never put that into words. He just. Felt. He felt when he was fighting. He felt blood pumping through his veins, felt his heart race, felt fear, excitement. Something.

It was the only way he felt alive.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know what I'm writing next click over [HERE](https://crownonymous.tumblr.com/sched)  
> If you want to stay updated on the progress I've made on my fics click [HERE](https://crownonymous.tumblr.com/tagged/crownonynews)  
> And if you want to come say hi or just get bombarded with random posts, you can find me over [HERE](https://landofsaltandshade.tumblr.com/)


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